Am I smarter than a 1st grader?

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

I think I’m getting dumber as I age. Or is it, more dumb? Either way, I just don’t feel as mentally sharp as I used to. I think I smell worse, too, but that’s another discussion.

I have always prided myself on being able to think on my feet and complete tasks with both speed and accuracy. Maybe it’s just an inevitable consequence of aging, but I feel like I’m thinking slower than before. I’m not quite to the “riding the short bus” level of slowness but I won’t be applying for “Jeopardy” any time soon, either.
I was off last Monday, lying on my couch in the middle of the afternoon, watching TV. There was something about people living on disability and so I googled “Disability for mental illness” thinking it might be a good career move for my decreasing intelligence.

I reviewed the eligibility categories:

Schizophrenia – I’m pretty sure I don’t have this but I do have Quadrophenia by The Who

Mental retardation - I had this once when I dated a guy that I was pretty sure had killed his last girlfriend and buried her in the backyard. It passed when we broke up.

Anxiety - Thank you, Prozac.
Depression -  See above.

Substance abuse disorders - I’m working on this one as I type.

I fell asleep in the middle of filling out the application and I woke to a commercial talking about improving my brain.

It was touting the benefits of a website called Lumosity. This cognitive training website was developed by neuroscientists to help improve your mental abilities. I was intrigued and bored enough to give it a look-see.

The first thing I always want to know is how much something costs. Lumosity offers a three day trial, which only after you sign up, allows you to access the pricing scale. I’ll share it with you here since I signed up. C’mon, you know I’m a sucker for FREE:

1 month $14.95

Yearly $6.70/month, billed in one installment of $80.40.

Two years $4.49/month, billed in one installment of $107.76

Or Lifetime for $299.95 which would be a good deal, if we all weren’t all going to be dead on December 21, 2012 as the Mayan calendar professes.

You start by answering some simple questions about memory, attention, speed, flexibility and problem solving. The allows Lumosity to create a personalized training program just for you. I had fun with the 3 day trial so I decided to sign up for a month.

There's a page called The Science behind Lumosity where they talk about all the scientific studies that have been done showing how cognitive training extends beyond the actual game itself into real life. I think everyone can draw their own conclusions.

I, for one, think the results have been amazing. I mean, just the other day I......wait, what was I talking about?


  1. You are STILL ok when you ride that special bus. Once you start licking the windows.....give up the smart and enjoy your new fun life. I am almost there! Love this post BTW.

  2. I wanted to tell you about Eddie Murphy and his strategy to keep it together in Bowfinger. But couldn't remember the name of the movie, wanting to google it, I couldn't remember his name either then I wanted to search Steve Martin, but of course - blank! So I had to search Roxanne (only name to come up) then click on Steve, then on the movie. Now I'm tired and want to go to bed.

    You know what? I'm waiting in line for the short bus with you... Is it the age thing?

  3. Your Lumosity-story makes me think of my father and the national Lotery. When you asked him if he'd ever won in the National Lotery, he'd always answer, "Hell, I win week after week!"
    "How's that possible"?" people would gush.
    "Well," he'd answer proudly, "I never play – so I weekly win the prize of a ticket!"
    The same thing with those "you wanna be more intelligent? Just sign up here and send the check"-thingies. I feel cleverer each time for simply NOT signing up.
    Then, on the other hand, I smoke. How clever is THAT, on a scale from 1=dumb to 10-Einstein? I guess it's a minues-something-clerverness, eh? ;-))

  4. You are not losing it, the brain just needs a defrag and a reboot! """""Look a chicken"""""

  5. OK is it working? does it feel like you are retaining more?
    Where do i get the picture of the stripper peeps?

  6. I also wanted to add I feel smarter today because I figured out how to add links to my blog..

  7. @middle child,
    Licking the windows! That's a great idea for when they're reviewing my application.

    @Nikki Rules,
    OMG, Nikki, you're so funny! Yep, it's our age, darlin'.

    @Dieter Moitzi,
    Ha! Your Dad sounds like mine. You're too clever to be smoking, my dear. :-)

    @R. Jacob,
    Good one!

    @bread and butter,
    Hard to tell if it's making a difference yet. I have so much going on at work, my head's gonna explode.

    Just google "stripper peeps" and look at "images". You can pick any size you want!

    Good job on adding links. I had to reach out to a fellow blogger to find out how to do it.


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